Currently Reading Anna Karenina (Signet Classics) By Leo Tolstoy see related

yuu thii krung thep

and wouldn't you know, I'm posting on here? lol, oh well. I just felt bad about the, umm... fact of several months' passage between now and when I last posted. oh well.

It's been three months since I posted on here; quite a contrast to when I'd post every day, huh? Oh well, xanga seems to be pretty deserted these days. There's a lot of reasons why I haven't posted... I'm just not comfortable explaining my personal thoughts and feelings in such a public way anymore.

It's 12:43 AM and I'm sitting at my desk in the Northwestern dorms, two of my three roommates asleep, listening to the Lady in the Water soundtrack and drinking a mug of hot Milo. Yep... Milo. I found the packet in my backpack right after I got to the States, and I've saved it for some undefined time in the future. In there interest of not waiting until it deteriorates in to dust, I made it tonight instead of American hot chocolate to be my companion in paper-writing.
I'm happy here. I'm confident that God has placed me here for a reason, and I see his goodness in everything around me. As seems to happen to so many people, my life got a bit off course over the summer; I was forced to see myself as the worst of sinners and watched as so many things I'd put my security in crumbled around me; but God, in his infinite grace and forgiveness, led - pulled, moved forcibly, carried? - and taught me so much along the way, as painful as it was. It's true that we appreciate happiness so much more when it follows pain! These last few weeks have been sweet, as Iv'e found myself finally where I belong after two months of uncertain agony.

But despite my contentment, a shiver ran down my arms when the faint scent of the Milo powder sifted out of the slit packet; tears prickled at the back of my eyelids as poignently, sweetly familiar steam painted pictures in my mind. I saw myself reading Shakespeare in bed, writing rambling emails to Joel at night, my feet up on my desk, usually rendering me in weirdly contored positions as I typed; I remembered sitting on the floor of the Waltons' kitchen, or sipping it through the plastic of a 7-11 cup. I thought of my sister, of Jenny, of Lad Prao road from the window of my afternoon classroom at Santisuk, of darting across the rainy streets in Hua Hin with Joel, of the sound of the air conditioner in my bedroom. And something in me cried: don't forget. Dwell  and flourish in Christ's grace at Northwestern and wherever he leads you in the future, but don't ever drown out the brilliance of the past  in enjoyment of the present or excitement for the future... and especially don't forget it because it hurts to remember.

So here I am, as you see me in the picture above: my hair cut off for a new chapter, my yellow "King shirt" as bright as ever. I suppose the challenge of anyone with more than one world is making the melodies of your memories harmonize - and I wonder, is the hope of heaven the secret to finding the right key?

Anyway, enough ramblings. My Milo is cold and almost gone, and it's 1:07 AM and my paper is due tomorrow and no one reads Xanga anymore anyway.
Love,
Shannon

"Hehehe... la la!"

Ah, if only life were as simple as Dawn's sleeptalking. This has been an insannnnnnnne few weeks. Seriously. I don't know which way is up.
Yesterday some friends and I did swing dancing at the house Lucia's house sitting and it was slightly surreal. I haven't done that since Minneapolis, and it was with completely different people in a completely different life... and yet somehow it felt really similar. And I don't want to analyze that.
I'm going to Hong Kong from the 23rd-27th. And then I leave Thailand for good on the night of the 28th. Crazy I know! I'm a little unsure as to whether I'm really doing the right thing to go along - I was planning to use those four days to do a lot of packing and such, because almost all of my friends were going to be gone... I can still do it, but I feel a little disoriented without that time I expected to have. Still, I think it's going to be an amazing trip.
And then Minnesota. Crap.  I have some very dear reasons to want to go back, but seriously... my family is here, my life is here, my friends are here. I didn't realize how much I love Thailand itself until we went to India, or how incredibly at home I feel here... I love how vibrant and alive Bangkok is, and how kind and friendly and interesting the people are, and how easy it is for me to have a very large degree of freedom because of cheap, effective public transportation, cheap street food, and relatively cheap cell phone minutes...and how seriously amazing my friends are.
Ah well. God is good. Two years ago I hated Bangkok and I longed to be back in Minneapolis. All things work together for good, right?

Aaaanyway. I have things to do, like my stupid summer math.

Yours,
Shannon 

The most attractive picture of Rachel, Lucia, and John John ever...

Amy and I have a zillion pictures together; this one happens to also have Josh looking pretty in MY SWEATSHIRT.

Amy, me, Dawn at Paragon the day the Newshams came back

Currently Listening Wonderwall By Oasis see related

India!

It's SO good that I'm going. I need to get out for a bit. This last week was amazing but I sort of need to breath... as sad as it is to not be around for so many precious days.  
I bought a formal dress for 50 baht yesterday. Too bad the last formal event I'll attend for who knows how long was Friday night, huh? Oh well... it fit and it was, obviously, super cheap (50 baht = about $1.50) And hey. 50 baht to the building fund right?
I'm listening to Wonderwall, because some certain people kept singing it and it got stuck in my head. Oh well. It's like someone said on Friday night - songs get associated with things and now I think this one is randomly associated with graduating.
Wow. So disjointed. I should just go to bed.
Love, and see y'all again on Saturday,
Shannon
PS I miss Jenny already.

The senior trip to Rayong was amazing. I can't even express how much. The world is changing. My world is changing. I am changing.
The beach was beautiful. Spending more time with good friends, getting closer to others, playing with Malia. Backflipping off of someone's shoulders in the waves, feeling the heat of the bonfire searing my face, golden stars trembling. My last bracelet snapping, standing on the sand-covered coals, feeling my heart exposed - running and flinging to the surf. Eternity. Choice. Freedom. Memories shouldn't pull you through time.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD;  "Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you plans to give you a hope and a future." Jer. 29:11

Lead me in paths of righteousness for your Name's sake - let me find my joy always in you - for in you is fullness of joy, forever!

Home is behind, the world ahead / and there are many paths to tread...

If I rise on the wings of the dawn and settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, and your right hand will hold me fast... Ps. 139

Don't settle. Live.
You will find your joy in the Lord.